this year i really needed to step back from it all and start prioritizing my life.
the word BALANCE, has not only grounded me, but given me permission to be. spending more time with my family and choosing to be present in the everyday joys and sorrows of the ins and outs of being a mother of pre-teens/teenagers.
i realized, this time with my children is fleeting and i am learning just how much a mothers love is needed as my daughters begin to blossom into women.
as a mother, watching my children transition into each new season of their lives can be a very frustrating, exhilerating and sometimes a painful thing to watch...witnessing their individual struggles, figuring out who they are and what they believe can be overwhelming.
over the past 6 months, payton and i have become very close...she is a brilliant and amazing young woman and is struggling to find her identity, struggling with body image and struggling to find her place in it all.
it is devastating to come to the realization that as a mother i am powerless to it all and that my job is not to fix it, not to correct it, but to support and to give her the space and allow her to become who she needs to be.
the journey is so powerful
as we journey through life, we fail, we make choices
those choices shape who we are...the bad ones often more than the good.
i have to allow my beautiful daughter to find her way
and believe that by walking beside her on her journey, she knows as she falls, i will always be right here to pick her back up.
as a mother i am continuously doubting, "am i doing the right thing?"
yesterday, i realized as i walk along side payton, she is also walking right there along side me on this journey
picking me back up, walking hand in hand with me until i am strong enough to walk alone.
we have always had a small window/door style advent calendar, inside each door would be a small candy or a coin or 2. the kids have always loved waking up and opening their door...just the surprise of it even though it was never a big token always made it special.
this year i thought it might be fun to get small dollar store or fun style games and gifts to fill the bags and make everyday leading up to the holiday a little more exciting!!
and to be honest, i love watching their faces each morning, its selfish but they are growing up so fast i want to savor every moment of innocence and joy.
so this is our version.
i had Liz, our shipping manager at the studio bring me in a good looking branch from her beautifully wooded property (and it was the perfect size, i didnt cut it or anything).
i bought most of the bags from Michaels
used some large number stamps and embossed the numbers 1-25 on the bag fronts.
then raided my stash of tapes, ribbons and yarns and attached each bag to the stick.
i found some large command hooks and the branch fit perfectly in the hook (again, lucky!!)
each day i will have them cut down their bag and hopefully capture the fun with camera ready, lol!!
even though Mckenna doesn't trick-or-treat anymore and Payton is too grown up to actually walk around the neighborhood with us, they still like to dress up as a family costume each year.
this year we were the DC comics : (from left to right) Payton and Pixel as Batgirl & Batman, Tango as Robin, i as Supergirl and Bill as Superman, McKenna as Wonder Woman, Kharma as Underdog and Cole sporting his new glasses as Clark Kent.
every birthday i identify that year by an object. usually it is a pair of shoes, but this year it is an easel. the most bad-ass easel ever (thanks mom!). it is a convertible easel that can lay flat like a table as well as upright/at an angle. i've already loaded up a couple canvases and am ready to slap some paint on them!
i am going to take a small break from blogging until after the new year to be with my family and shut off from the "hustle and bustle" of everyday life. we spend this week every year tucked away in a cabin in the mountains (the 5 of us and the 2 dogs) and just enjoy ourselves.
words cannot express to you how much i appreciate all of you and so look forward to 2013 together! thank you for your support, sharing your stories, your art and most of all your time to stop by and read and share this creative journey with me every week!
i wish you a very happy new year and heres to new experiences and big things in 2013!!!
just thought i share a little inside look of some of our highlights this christmas...
those of you that have been following my recent posts on facebook know that our family recently lost our beloved chihuahua Paisley. it was sudden and very devastating...we were collectively an emotional wreck for the 48 hours following. i had never lost a pet before and had trouble trying to keep it together for the kids. this is the first time i have even allowed myself to look at her picture since she passed and even now it brings tears to my eyes.
as all 5 of us sat on the couch holding each other and sobbing, Payton turned to us and said through tears, "Everything happens for a reason mom, we are supposed to grow from this, Paisley would have wanted that."
out of my 10 year olds mouth came the most beautiful truth.
we buried Paisley in our back yard, said our goodbyes and marked her grave with 3 individual bricks signifying each year of her life. Somehow Payton's words changed the overall feeling from sorrow to peace...cant explain it but they did.
bill explained it best the next day when he said, "i just feel like there is a hole." he was so right, a big gaping hole in our hearts & in our family.
between games at mckenna's tournament saturday we started searching on our iphones for breeders and puppies...just looking mind you (at least thats what we were telling ourselves). Wouldnt you know it there was a chihuahua breeder only 3 miles down the road from where we were.
mckenna's team was eliminated from the tournament early (coincidence? destiny? the universe trying to tell us something?) and we gave that breeder a call...
he's a 9 week old chihuahua and the newest member of our family.
he was at the studio with me most of yesterday afternoon,
i think he's going to fit right in!
Pixel will be making his first road trip this weekend to Scrapdoodles in VA (didnt want to leave grandma cookie with 3 kids and a brand new puppy) so he will get a chance to meet a few of you this weekend!